Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
