So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
