You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
