My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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