I feel great
I just peed on a car
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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