he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
