i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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