Nicole vs. Life
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
