My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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