I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
