This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
