I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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