now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
