I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
