people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize