i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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