I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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