alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
