We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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