So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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