hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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