it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
