there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
