I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
