Michael Bay diarrhea
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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