omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize