I'm lost and stupid without you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
