I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You left your phone here
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