Why are handjobs necessary in class?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
