im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
