if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
