I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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