I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
