Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
