Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
