I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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