we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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