I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
