yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
