I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i drank out of a bidet.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
