We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
