ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
