How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
