everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
