We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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