Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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