I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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