We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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