I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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