im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
