in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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