Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
