I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
