I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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