i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize