Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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