So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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