You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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