You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
