Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize