Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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