i think i have two assholes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
