Don't you send me to vm
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
