He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
