Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
