i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
