apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize