Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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