don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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