i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
