My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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