bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize