True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
