were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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