Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
